Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Major Band Incident #2

    After about a bit of time of rest from the previous incident, I returned to Doc O fatter than ever (I hadn't gained all my weight back but, man, did I feel like I had) and we began (again) down our lapband-relationship-road....he'd fill it to where he felt it should be, I'd go away for a month or so and be back telling him, "More fluid! More fluid!" He'd always reluctantly but loyally oblige me, but not without being sure I understood why he felt it was too much.

    It was no time at all before I was filled to 6cc's (supposedly the 'norm' for most females) and not much time before I got food stuck again, found myself dehydrated (AGAIN!) and back in the hospital (AGAIN!) having fluid aspirated.

    And so the cycle began again....

    Back in to see him and over a period of a couple of months, I eventually ended up where I am now: 5cc's. I figured that'd be good, not too much, not too little. I remembered the time before I was at 5cc's when I couldn't wait to get in to see him again to get more fluid because I was able to eat a ton of food. So, I completely expected to be in his office again before too long having more fluid put in. After a couple of months though, I simply found myself struggling to comfortably eat anything. Everything sat on the top of the band regardless of how tiny my bites were or how much time passed between them. I'd only had food stuck and vomited once but it was during this stint I came to the heartbreaking realization that alcohol and the band DO NOT go hand in hand, for me anyways. I'd had a very small glass of wine on Thursday, a 16oz glass of Red Drank (red fruit juice with vodka) on Friday and Saturday. By Sunday, I could barely get hot liquids down so the misery began again.

    I recently had a friend ask me if, knowing what I know now, I'd get the lapband again. I found it to be a very interesting, contemplative question. I'd love to go the easy route and say no and that I'd never do it again after everything I've been through, but I have to be honest. In order to reach the different mind-set I'm in now, I HAD to endure all of this. It has been a journey and it's a journey I had to take to get here. Do I still have fluid in? Yes, I am still at 5cc's and will be seeing Doc O in the next few days to remove some fluid. Will I ever have all of my fluid removed? I really can't answer that right now,  I'd like to be able to say yes but I really just don't know right now. I'm on a new journey now, a good one, a healthier, happier, more energetic one. It has been the previous journey that has helped me come to the realization that exercise is the ONLY way I will get to my goal weight of 160#...and if my blog does ANYTHING for anyone out there considering or who has the band, I hope it helps you to realize the seriousness of a COMPLETE change of lifestyle. It isn't just about limiting the amount you eat, it's about changing WHAT you eat, the AMOUNT you eat, HOW you eat it, WHY you came to be so dependent on food to fill WHICH void, DO YOU WANT TO DIE looking the way you do, being in the CONDITION you're in? DO you want people discussing your death afterward and saying, "It probably had alot to do with his/her weight" or "It's probably because of the crap he/she always ate"? I don't. It took me going to my son's birthday party at the roller rink for the light to turn on for me. That was my "AH-HA!" moment. I thought I'd get up on skates (because in the 80's I was taking competition lessons) and it would be like old days. Instead, I found I could barely hold myself UP on the skates. That truly told me the condition my body was in.


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